Fearless Not Reckless:  The Art of Workplace Boundaries

Written By Janet Smither
 

Imagine this: you’re early in your career, just finding your footing, and a senior leader blatantly suggests breaking a corporate policy. Not only that, but they also take a swing at you in the process….in front of others.

What do you do? Stay silent? Escalate to someone higher up? Or confront them directly?

This is exactly the situation I faced, AND it happened during one of the busiest times of year: compensation season (translation, bonus time).

The HR Conflict That Changed Everything

For those in Human Resources, you know how chaotic comp season is. Nobody’s leaving at 5 o’clock without being side-eyed, everyone’s super stressed, and tension is sky-high.

The policy was clear: if employees were on payroll at the start of the year, they would get their bonus even if they left before payout. Yes, I know it is generous, but there was no gray area. But this senior leader wanted to bend the rules to achieve a cost-savings grab.

As the HR Business Partner for corporate functions, his mandate to me was simple:
“Forget the policy. Do what I say!”

Now, here’s the thing, I don’t fold easily.  I may have been early in my career, but I was bold, fearless, and not easily swayed. So I responded that, “The policy says X. Ignoring it is a violation. Needless to say, he didn’t like my answer. At all.

Instead of dealing with the facts, he pulled me into a call and lit me up in front of his direct report. Imagine being young, sitting there, your boss’s peer talking down to you, and you’re supposed to just take it. And in that moment? I did. I stayed quiet.

But here’s the important part: silence in the moment doesn’t mean silence forever.

Standing Up With Respect

As soon as the call ended, I called my manager — who, by the way, was on vacation at the time.  I told him exactly what happened and that I planned to call this leader back directly. He trusted that I would address the issue in the proper manner.  His advice was simple: “Only do it if you’re in the right frame of mind.” That stuck with me.

Within the hour, I picked up the phone. My exact words, which I still remember 20+ years later, were:

“I do not operate in such a manner.  I am a consummate professional.  I make it a point to treat everyone that I work with dignity and respect and with that, I expect the same in return. Do we understand each other?” 

After what seemed like an eternity of silence, he mumbled a “yes,” and that was the end of it. After that, he never said another word to me. He wouldn’t even acknowledge me in the hallway — which, trust me, I was completely fine with. Oh, and by the way? The employees got their bonuses.

Leadership Lessons: Respect, Conflict, and Communication

That moment shaped me — not because I “won,” but because it taught me lasting lessons about leadership, conflict management, and workplace respect.  Needless to say, this leader was mad as fire.  His reaction spoke volumes…..“How dare this person approach me in such a manner!”  I never heard anything else about the situation from my manager or anyone else for that matter, but it was clear,  this leader did not appreciate my AUDACITY. 

1. Respect Is Not Automatic

Titles don’t earn respect — behavior does. As TIAA’s CEO Thasunda Brown Duckett says, “You rent your title, but you own your character.”  Simply put, titles come and go, but the way you treat people……That sticks around forever!

2. Conflict Doesn’t Have to Be Chaos

In that meeting, I stayed quiet. Some might call that weak. I call it smart. Why? Because I needed to take “a beat” to get my head straight. Responding in anger wouldn’t have helped me or the situation. Pausing, reflecting, and then coming back with clarity — that’s how I moved the needle.

3. Silence Can Be Strategic

In that meeting, I stayed quiet. Some might call that weak. I call it smart. Why? Because I needed to take “a beat” to get my head straight. Responding in anger wouldn’t have helped me or the situation. Pausing, reflecting, and then coming back with clarity — that’s how I moved the needle.

4. Direct Communication Wins

Direct doesn’t mean disrespectful. The goal isn’t to “win,” it’s to make sure your voice is heard, and your boundaries are clear. This is why “words matter.” Phrases like, “I respect you, and I expect the same in return,” send a message without burning the whole bridge down.  I know, maybe I could have used different terminology, but at the moment, my intent was clear……it is not okay to speak to me in that manner.

How to Handle Conflict with Leaders at any level

If you ever find yourself in this situation, here’s my straight-talk guide when you find yourself staring down a power imbalance:

1.      Get the facts Always know the policy or the rule before you push back. You can’t stand your ground if the ground is shaky.

2.     Take a pause Don’t respond in the heat of the moment. Get your emotions in check first.

3.     Loop in your manager or mentor Even if they’re not involved, having backup perspective helps.

4.    Decide how you want to be remembered Do you want to be known as someone who folds, or someone who stands firm with respect?

5.     Speak your truth directly Use plain, professional language. Don’t ramble. Be clear.

6.    Document the situation If things escalate, you’ll need a record.

7.     Let it go when it’s done Sometimes you win by moving forward, not by rehashing the fight.

Final Thought: Fearless and Respectful Leadership

Please do not say that Coach Janet encouraged me to pick a fight with my leader.  I do not advocate picking fights (with anyone), but especially with senior leaders just for the sake of it. That’s not bravery and that’s reckless. But I also don’t advocate letting yourself be walked on and over like a doormat.

At the end of the day, leadership (at any level) comes down to respect. Titles are temporary, but the way you make people feel lasts a lifetime.

So, when you’re faced with that moment of choice — stay silent, escalate, or stand your ground — remember this: you can be fearless and respectful at the same time. And if you do it right, you’ll walk away proud of yourself, too.  And you may gain a lot of respect along the way.

Resources if you want to dig deeper:

Janet Smither
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